You Know You’re From Oakland When…
“Beezie, hella, scraper, ripper” is standard English.
You Know what “scraper filled wit rippers” mean.
You know “in da cuts” don’t got nothing to do wit hair and “grapes” aint got nothin to do wit fruit.
You hear gunshots and don’t even get scared and hearing police sirens around your neighborhood is the soundtrack of your life.
When you driving in da deep and almost every girl you see has a shirt with the same color hair and beauty supply earrings to match.
Kwik Way, In-N-Out, Nations, or 1/4 lb. burger is your bff.
When you know that Oakland got HELLA nice neighborhoods that the media would never want you to see.
The only white people in sight live by the lake, Piedmont, or in da hills.
When your dream car is a scraper on dubbz or a rice rocket.
You’ve never called the COLISEUM “McAfee Coliseum or Oracle Arena”.
You remember the dome movie theaters across from the Coliseum.
You can never watch Raiders games on T.V. because they never sell out.
You remember when the Warriors were consistently good.
You only go to A’s games on $2 Wednesdays.
When you learned how to drive in the Coliseum parking lot.
You remember when the Coliseum had orange seats.
You remember the fights that broke out at the Juvenile and Cash Money Millionaire concert back in year 2000.
You remember the real 6-9 village and when it was impossible to drive through the 69th and 65th village projects because you were scared you’d get shot.
It aint nothin’ in downtown but a GAP, a Rite-Aid and Western Dental.
You know the difference between “Deep East Oakland” and just East Oakland
Fruitvale=Mexico. North/West Oakland=Africa. Lake Merrit/Chinatown=Asia. Oakland Hills/Piedmont=Europe. East Oakland=EVERYBODY!
You remember when Wild 94.9 was called Wild 107.7 too.
You watched CMC-California Music Channel everyday after school.
You remember “The Box” music network.
You remember Soul Beat.
You know the slogan/theme song for soul beat: “Soul Beat! TV network number onnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee…!”
No matter where you go in Oakland, there seems to be Black people everywhere and everything seems Black oriented; “The Black Cowboy Parade”, “The Black College Expo”, “The Black Panthers”, etc.
When you go to college and read about the Black Panther Party, you brag to everyone that BPP started in your hometown (Oakland).
There is no summer like a summer in Oakland. Period.
You remember when people in your neighborhood would break the fire hydrants on a hot summer day.
If you didn’t go anywhere on the 4th of July, it was because you and your whole entire block were having your own “illegal” fireworks show.
When you were little, you thought the cranes by the bay looked like dinosaurs or giraffes.
You had to decide which Denny’s would be worst: Emeryville or the one on Hegenberger behind the Colisuem. At either one you knew there would be a fight.
There is technically no mall in the city limits (and yall know Eastmont aint got jack), but you remember when Eastmont Mall had everything including a Mervyn’s and a JC Penny.
You pronounce Sobrante Park, “Sobranny Park”
You remember the “Oakland Is Proud” phrase on the brick walls down the street from the Old Montgomery Ward.
When you were little, you thought the Mormon temple was Disneyland.
You go to the beach in Alameda.
You remember when “Martin Luther King Jr. Way” was “Grove Street”
You loved watching “Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper” just so you could see the intro where they show sites of Oakland.
You remember Pacific Bell.
You’re not surprised that Oakland’s mayor is Black.
You remember driving on San Leandro Blvd. and smelling “Mother’s cookies”
You never understood what the big deal with San Francisco was.
A “taco truck” is the best Mexican restaurant you’ve ever eaten at.
Instead of calling the grocery store by its correct name, “Lucky”, you call it “Lucky’s”
Your mom dragged you with her to “National Dollar” on E. 14th.
You have a family member that claims to know Too $hort.
You watched “Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is” on BET and said “Yeah, her and her family DEFINITELY from Oakland!”
When everytime you turn on the radio, you hear a singer, rapper, etc. from Oakland (Keyshia Cole, The Pointer Sisters, MC Hammer, En Vogue, Mac Dre, Tony Toni Tone, Too $hort, Goapele, just to name a few).
You remember the big key you used to get when you went to Fairyland.
You know at least 5 people who moved from East Oakland to either Antioch, Pittsburgh, Sacramento, or Elk Grove.
You go to Bayfair.
You know that East Oakland and West Oakland are like two different worlds.
You’ve lived on a street that had a number instead of a name.
Your family had barbecues at Bushrod, Mosswood, or Dimond Park.
You remember “Festival at the Lake”.
You laugh when any other city claims to have better sideshows than we do.
You feel hella dumber than everybody else at your college because OUSD sucks!!!
Your next door neighbor is not the same ethnicity as you.
When somebody ask you where you live, and instead of telling them the street you, claim yo turf.
You remember when Oakland’s area code was “415”
You know at least three people who attend Laney College.
You know Jack London Square is hella played out, and if you wanna go somewhere the only option is Bay Street Emeryville.
You’ve had to wait at least 3 hours to see your doctor at Highland Hospital.
You can recognize those orange and green AC Transit stripes anywhere!
You remember when an AC Transit bus driver would tear off your transfer from a roll of paper.
In the back of almost every bus you see hella hyphy ghetto girls on they metros talkin’ bout what beezie they finna scrape.
You think the 57, 40L, 72, or 82 bus can take you all over the World.
You go anywhere else and everybody else just think you too ghetto.
(I’m not sure who originally made this up, but it’s HELLA true.)